Challenge Comes at a Cost - But Who Ends Up Paying?
When you feel unsafe, you want to challenge the environment you are in, but to do that you need to feel safe enough to do it.
Let me clarify what I mean by challenge. You may have already imagined someone confronting you or you needing to have an altercation with someone, but what I mean by challenge is linked most closely with curiosity. It is when you have a question, a concern or insight about the place you work or worship and you want to share it.
I have been in work spaces where nothing is really said in terms of outcome or performance, except for a vague ‘good job’ and no other feedback is given - positive or negative. I felt on edge all the time and unsafe because I didn’t know what was expected. The uncertainty caused me to show up, but only partly. Either I copied the behaviour around me, that seemed like an acceptable way of being in the space or I gave some of me but never my creativity or my real passion.
Work for me in the last couple of decades has mainly been in churches or Christian charities and these add a whole other element to this division that I wanted to share today.
Because churches have the spiritual authority that comes with preaching the Gospel, Communion, leading in worship, there is a difficulty for people walking into a church or seeing something that they don’t think is right, to challenge. The church culture can create a real and felt power dynamic between those who are on staff and those in the congregation. This dynamic can mean that leaders are so far away and higher than those on the seats coming every week - a hierarchy spiritually and relationally.
When I have felt unable to challenge, I wonder what is wrong with me. The place that I care about and have invested in, that used to feel safe and welcoming, now feels unsafe and intimidating.
You can stay, feel unsafe and never challenge. You can adapt, put up walls to feel safe and never challenge. You could feel unsafe and talk with others you trust about the difficulties you face. Or you can leave - having challenged or having said nothing at all.
I tried to stay and blame myself, I tried to adapt at the cost of myself and then I left having challenged and still feeling pretty unsafe in a church space.
If you are staying and blaming yourself, please stop arguing with yourself. Whether someone validates it or not, your body or your mind are telling you something and you need to listen. You can create a safety in you and God can be there with you too.
If you are staying and adapting, please stop changing yourself. God has made you the way you are, noticing what you notice and you too need to listen. The body of Christ needs all its parts, however insignificant you feel. If you don’t feel safe to be you, I am sorry and it may be worth exploring in which spaces you feel safe.
If you have challenged and left, or not challenged and are thinking of leaving, there is a sadness that will come - I am sorry for that. You will feel courageous and then the grief will hit you - what you left, the relationships that won’t exist anymore, the community you will no longer be a part of. God will be there with you too - even if you can’t be in ‘his house’, he makes his home in you.
Creating safe spaces in church isn’t just good practice - it is the Gospel.
If you want help making that a reality in your context, contact Canary & Cat