Love Shouldn’t Hurt

How do you feel seeing this top? Did you agree with it straight away? Did it feel uncomfortable to read it?

Instead of ignoring it or pushing it down, let’s be curious. Notice where your concern, anxiety or frustration is coming from. It is important to recognise why this phrase makes you feel the way you do.

As Christians, we are told to sacrifice with Jesus as our example and he was in so much pain at Easter. Sacrifice does equal pain, that is the point of the word. But what if our focus is on the wrong thing? If we are told to sacrifice ourselves like Christ did, then there must be life in there that we wouldn’t get otherwise. Where we see pain, hurt and disappointment, what if what God was offering was life, love and closeness to God?

Of course we will feel something negative because we are considering another person and we are, by definition, giving something up — but what if that was the point of it all?

Healthy sacrificial love is unusual to us. I am not convinced that we have an example of it — aside from Jesus — and that example is the most extreme of them all! Healthy sacrificial love everyday is rooted in care for another and brings out the best in you and the other. I believe it does not require you as you to disappear or to silence your own discernment, opinion or God-given personality.

I do know that we all have examples of when pain has been mislabelled as love. It causes shame, silencing, being made small and the creation of unhealthy boundaries and expectations.

This isn’t all of the story when it comes to sacrifice, but it is the start.

I do want to challenge us to look at those relationships we are in and consider:

Am I being made small by this person?

What am I being asked to give up in this relationship?

Is this ‘loving relationship’ creating and sharing life in me and the other person?

This relates to friendships, romantic relationships, work relationships and families too - let’s not limit its impact.

If the answers to these questions are not what you expected, if they are making you question the type of love that is in a relationship, be kind to yourself. Speak to a friend, ask God or write down your thoughts.

Love shouldn’t hurt. Love should bring life and perhaps life that you did not expect.

N.B.. If you or someone you know needs support, reach out to a charity such as UK Refuge https://refuge.org.uk/i-need-help-now/

Curiosity Did Not Kill the Cat. It Made It a Lion.

I notice everything.

I always have. The person who is uncomfortable. The unsaid things behind the looks in a room. The ‘power dance’ that happens when a group of people interact. The courage it takes for that one person to share their idea in a meeting.

For a long time, in certain environments, this noticing felt like a problem. I was too much. Too observant. Too unwilling to just let things go. Too aware.

But then one day, literally out of the blue, I realised something. I wasn’t the problem. I was in environments that needed me to be smaller than I was. So I had a choice - shrink and disappear or find somewhere to put all that noticing to good use.

I chose the second one.

Curiosity was what had made me a threat to others. But it was also what was giving me life. It felt like a treasure that deserved an adventure.

Curiosity feels dangerous. Certainty is predictable. It grounds us and (allegedly) keeps us safe. Curiosity feels like a risk.

But what if that’s exactly what it’s supposed to feel like?

I’ve come to believe that curiosity is one of the most valuable and powerful ways of existing in the world that can positively impact our leadership, our culture, our community and even our churches. It’s what makes us look up and around. It is what makes us see people.

This is a space where I’ll be thinking out loud about all of that. Culture. Leadership. Church.

I won’t always have answers, but I will always have questions.

Come join me on the adventure!