I met the King and became a Pawn

I never planned to write about this. I haven’t shared this with many people either.

I worked for a church that had a visit from the King a couple of years ago. There was a lot of excitement and it was seen as such a privilege. If I am honest, I was nervous and not that excited. I have met royalty before and at the end of the day for me, a person is just a person.

I was due to be the person to represent the baby and toddler group I was running and I had been able to invite one of the attendees to meet the King too.

The night before, I had a conversation with my husband - the thing that no-one saw or knew about. I knew that being a Black woman who was interacting with the King would make a ‘good picture’. As a result, I chose to not have my daughter with me when I met him. Everyone said that I should - ‘what a great experience it would be for her’. I began questioning myself but we had both agreed she would not be there.

The day arrived and the room I was in was filled with excitement, anticipation and nerves. The King arrived and he was followed by a group of photographers like a swarm of bees.

It was my turn - the photographers quickly asked me whether I was ok to have my photo taken, I obediently said ‘yes’ and when the King was introduced to me, the ‘snapping’ begun. It was noisy and I tried to ignore them. The King didn’t talk to me but I introduced him to the person I had invited and they talked. It was over in less than 20 seconds.

He was there and then he was gone.

Less than 1 hour after the event, my face was on a news article online next to a photo of Megan and Harry. It was the day that their documentary came out - I knew it was coming. My brown face next to his face. I called it the night before and it happened.

I wasn’t naive, I wasn’t overreacting - I know what it means to have this face and the ways in which it is used to other people’s advantages. Everyone else was blissfully unaware, jokes were made about my photo being online and I was praised for having a great smile. One Black friend came up to me and said ‘I am sorry’ - no explanation needed, no context given - she got it herself.

Why am I talking about this now? I am not against the Royal Family nor for churches and charities to have great experiences. I am against the way that I was used - my face was literally used to promote an agenda. This isn’t new and it isn’t unique. But to some of you reading this, it may be a surprise for you to hear, especially those of you that know me. I don’t often talk about the colour of my skin or what racism I experience, because it feels too exposing and like the situation is too overwhelming. Plus I am mixed-race and I know that others’ experiences are much greater than mine and need to be heard.

So this is me sharing. I know the game that is being played and I am not a pawn, I am a freakin’ Black Queen and I will not be playing the game!

For those of you reading who have also been a pawn, I am so sorry and want you to know that (sadly) you are not alone and I hope my writing is helpful. Message me if you want to chat more.

For those of you who have never thought about this before, consider ‘the game’ and who you are in it. It is being played whether you can see it or not and I would love to challenge you to start noticing for the sake of others.

If you are in a position of shaping a culture in a church or charity, please know that there are ways of working that silences, undermines and devalues Black people. It is your duty to start seeing and not just seeing, but doing. Not the bare minimum, tokenistic-type decisions but changes that ensure that 'the game' is not even played in your team or workplace. Canary & Cat is here if you would appreciate some help.

Checkmate.

Jess