Now It Is Your Turn

One thing you need to know about me is that I love seeing people working things out. I love it when I can see their face trying to analyse a situation and it is even better if I can see the end result.

That is why I love this video of the drummer Chad Smith (from Red Hot Chili Peppers) spontaneously producing a drumming masterclass! The premise is that they remove the drummer from a track and they have to create the beat underneath. And the result? It is incredible, it is even more complex than the original drum beat.

Watch it here. I could watch it on repeat!

But the thing that I love about it is that Chad had the opportunity to create from scratch - he did not know the song and he did not know what the expected rhythm was. Instead he listened to the music, felt something and went with it.

Chad was given the gift of a blank canvas and most importantly, permission. He was encouraged to be him in that space and bring what only he could bring. Yet when we walk into spaces where there is neither a blank canvas nor permission given, it can feel like we are walking along a tightrope - balancing between the expectations on us and the control that is placed on what we can do.

That is the point that I want to share with you today.

You bring something to a space that no-one else does and yet, so often, we compare and we try and be another version of ourselves. But all that is based on what we do when we enter a space, a job or a friendship group - we assess the situation and we compare ourselves to what is there and what happened before.

Why is it that we do that? Why do we assume that people don’t want us and what we bring?!

Perhaps it is in the environment. If you are a part of a team or an organisation, be aware of what the people around you are like. Look around and be curious about what you see - are all the people starting to dress the same? Are they all agreeing and nodding in meetings? Are people using the same phrases? If that is the case, what is happening is people are assimilating, whether consciously or not, the culture is communicating that being similar is best.

This can happen without any effort at all and yet it can speak volumes.

But what it creates is lack of creativity, lack of passion and lack of difference. Beige, beige, beige. Mediocre assimilation.

And what is the solution?! It is being able to notice and celebrate what makes people different. This isn’t something that is cheesy or quaint but it holds real life. It feels like life because the feeling when you are seen is like you are no longer holding your breath. You can literally, and often physically, breathe. You may be familiar with this often referred to as psychological safety.

Noticing and celebrating people around you is key. Celebration that is genuine is specific. It names what you have actually seen in that person. It is personal and it brings out who that person is rather than what they have done. Whilst it can and should be public so that others can see what is valued, it cannot be for the benefit of the person giving the celebration. The moment it becomes about the giver, it loses its gift. Genuine celebration is for the one being seen.

If this does not come natural to you, I would encourage you to consider what it is about this difference that threatens you or makes you fearful. It is usual that we are uneasy about others that think differently to us because they are just that, different. We forget that whilst we are different to each other, we are more similar than we know.

When celebration is genuine, it enables a person to see that who they are is what is important in that space, which frees them to show up fully and make decisions that are uniquely theirs.

So what would you do at work or with those you love, if you knew you had no-one to live up to or no-one’s shoes to fill? What difference would it make to how you acted or what you brought to spaces if you knew that you could just be you?

Perhaps you would realise that the rhythm that you bring is intricate, it is unique and it creates a song - an environment - that would not be that way if you were not there.

That feeling when there is full permission can be felt in our bodies. It can feel like an excitement in your stomach - like a hive of bees - the buzz if you like! I can see it visually like lighting a match, the spark that could start something big and powerful.

But it isn’t just for you. When you give people permission and a blank canvas, the spark starts in them and what you create in your business, charity, church or family is a firework display. Nothing small and subtle about that! Fireworks of creativity, beauty and excitement.

So go on… now it is your turn!

To Fight or Not To Fight

Sometimes I wonder whether I should keep fighting. Is it all really worth it? Am I naive to think that someone like me can make a change?

I don’t have a high-paid job. I don’t have any social equity. I am a Black woman - research shows that this combination means that I will be less likely to be heard. Being Black and female means that even if I do continue to fight, I will have to fight a whole bunch just to get in a room where white males sit and make decisions. I am exhausted just thinking about it.

The constant need to be alert, to look around and to predict the next need.

But the other option is that I sit back and do nothing. To see what I see and not do anything. That is not an option for me.

It isn’t that I am brave or strong. It is that there is no other option. It is the way I was made, I believe the way that God made me. A gift that makes me who I am, not for my benefit but for others.

I see power being held onto by those who can only see the view ahead of them. The power they hold helps them in their context and gives them the illusion of position and esteem. The structures around them support this and keeps them there.

If you are in a room with others and you can speak without fear, you can hold court without being challenged and you can persuade others to agree with you - you are powerful. With that power comes the unconscious ability to quieten those without it. The ability to crush spirits without even knowing you are doing it.

I have been in meetings where the picture goes something like this. There are people gathered to talk about one thing - 30 minutes has been allocated because the person leading the meeting is ‘a very busy person’. That one person - let’s be more specific - that one man arrives slightly late, then starts talking about his vision and his plan for 15 minutes. Half the time has gone. Then he asks if anyone has questions - the fastest one out of the gate wins the chance to speak. Usually an ally to that person , most likely another white male. They speak similarly to the man in charge and flatter, affirm and confidently state a path forward. The time together is finished and the decision has been made.

Because when power is held onto, those without it are quietened and their spirits are crushed. Their voices become unable to speak or shape the culture they exist within.

If you are a person who feels crushed, someone who feels like they are silenced or someone who feels like they have no personal agency, you matter. Even if your voice is not heard, we still need to hear what you have to say. Even if you cannot affect change where you are, God is with you and he fights for justice. Even when you think you are alone, you are not. You are surrounded by unseen women and men who are fighting where they are - they are making progress because truth is of God and truth brings life, whether we see it or not.

But if you are that man in the room — consider this instead. What if you arrived, apologised for being late, and said “I have a vision but I want to know what you think. I’ll share briefly and then I want to hear from each of you. You can share or pass, no pressure. If you’d rather process first, send me an email this week”. Then what if you actually listened. Every look towards a person in that room, though a small action, allows them to be seen, heard and acknowledged. The shift of focus indicates a sharing of power. You are giving up control of the situation.

This isn’t just a nice thing to do. You have to actually care about the opinions of others and take them into consideration. This is not a one-man show. Or at least it shouldn’t be.

You have the choice - and it is a choice - to create a different possibility. It won’t happen by accident but it requires a change. It will cost you your control, but that in itself is a tiring thing to hold onto right? But the life you will bring, the fullness of life to another, that is definitely worth fighting for.

Fighting for me looks like writing, typing the words that can help. It looks like being in places that I have access to and using my voice and my face to make space for others.

Fighting looks like grieving for a world that currently exists and reminding others of what is possible.

Fighting is asking God to continue to give me prophetic imagination, to see what he sees and to play my part with him. It isn’t just me fighting alone. God cares about this.

Canary & Cat exists for this work. If you are in a position to shape culture in a church or organisation, get in touch to find out how we can help. [canaryandcat.com]

If you are a human who wants help to keep fighting, write me a message. I would love to hear from you!

Be curious about the fire

Have you ever felt that feeling of a fire in your belly? I think it is universal and yet, our instinct is to put it out.

It is that feeling you get in your gut when you watch something, hear something or read something that is just wrong. It is an immediate reaction and the heat can spread across your whole body and your immediate reaction is ‘this is wrong’.

Without thinking, I think our reaction, our core response, is that we know right from wrong.

Then something happens. It is as if someone turns the hose on and douses the fire. Now continue to be intrigued with me… What is that for you?

For me, it is a result of me working out who I would need to challenge and then feeling intimidated. For you, it could be the feeling of ‘only being you’ or ‘I am just one person’ or it could be that you have not seen anyone challenge and ‘win’.

I have been there and I know that feeling when the fire is put out. I am not speaking from a position of strength, I can assure you that I have put out more fires than I have fuelled in my soul, but I want to listen to that voice more.

But staying quiet costs you - it may feel like it doesn’t but it creates a belief in you, that what is happening is ‘not as bad’ or ‘it will never change’.

There may be a cost to you keeping the fire or even fuelling it but it is important to acknowledge that the fire is there. The fire is there because something is important to you and it is being challenged.

Fire is often understood as only one thing - dangerous. Especially when it comes to justice or the situations I am talking about. But that is only one aspect of it. Fire is dangerous when it is not managed, when it is not watched or the environment is unsafe.

And yet…

Fire brings warmth to cold places.

Fire provides light in the darkness.

Fire cooks and gives things amazing flavour.

Fire can create.

Fire is beautiful.

Do not quench the fire in you because you consider it to be dangerous. Instead, think how you can best manage it and what quality it is bringing to you or the situation you find yourself in.

Be curious about the fire, not afraid of it. It doesn’t mean you have to act on everything necessarily, but it will allow you to start noticing. Things don’t have to be the same as they are if people are getting hurt. You can make a difference to whoever you interact with and you can impact others.

Do not believe the lie that your voice doesn’t matter. Do not collude with the voices in your mind or around you that whisper to you that you cannot make a difference.

For some, that voice is God and to others it is that gut feeling. Either way, take the risk and trust it.

You can be the start of something.

You can be the one to put an end to something unjust.

You can be the person who keeps the fire going.

What My Body Knew

As I walked out, I felt like I had pieces of myself ripped away - like a ‘tear off’ section of a form - I was leaving but not with all of me. But as I walked, I realised that this was not actually the case.

I am still here because I was never on show. The ‘me’ that was there was just the one that I gave each person - changing my body language, shifting the tone of my voice, concentrating on asking a helpful question.

But it still hurts. My body feels the cost of that still.

And yet, this is all I know. This is a well-oiled and well-practised form of being in the world that I learnt potentially before I could recognise what I was doing. The warning signal that this was not something that a human should do was when my body warned me. It has happened a number of times in my life and I never understood why but the last time my body warned me, I listened and boy was I surprised.

My body could no longer carry on with my brain not knowing what was going on. My brain was merrily unaware of the performance that it was subconsciously directing and the parts of the body that were forced into this acting for nearly 4 decades. It was as if a strike was happening in the very cells of my body so that my brain would listen. I was in physical pain and felt like I was lost.

But I stopped and listened. It didn’t all make sense when I did, but curiosity became my friend. I didn’t need to understand. I just needed to be aware.

I found that I had hidden myself at the cost of others feeling comfortable or for me to feel safe. What a strange thing to find out about yourself - that you had been disappearing and nobody had noticed. Including you.

I felt alone when I realised I was alone in this. This wasn’t a communal experience, I didn’t actually belong because the ‘me’ that is out in the world wasn’t even the real me.

Maybe you recognise something in this. Maybe you don’t. But I suspect more people do than would ever say so out loud.

And who is the real me? I am still getting to know her. She has always been there and survival has been her main goal. So now I am teaching her that she is safe, I see her now and she does not need to hide herself.

The world wants to see her.

The world needs to see her.

Good News for Some

I am studying right now - a Masters in Theology and Transformative Practice - it is exciting because it informs what we do. In my last lecture with Professor Robert Beckford, I learnt about the ‘Slave Bible’ - the Bible that was given to Black slaves. A concern of the Christian slave owners was that if they converted their slaves, they would then need to be free. So what did they do? They handed them a Bible that was not the full story. Parts of the Bible that speak of freedom, challenge and liberation were removed. It shook something in me, that those that have the power to edit the Good News drastically impact what we learn about the Gospel.

My immediate reaction was shock. Visually, the different Bibles looked the same. It was made to look the same so that people wouldn’t question. It made me sick, it made me angry and it made me suspicious as to how this exists today. I recognised that this is not just something in the past but it is something that is present now - in fact, it may even be more subtle. There is no physical evidence that we can point to when we look at the culture, language or lived out theology in a church.

The churches that I have sat in all have a slight bias based on what they consider to be of importance in their reflection of church. I have seen focus on revival, on mission and on sung worship - each makes sense within the context but it is only part of the Gospel.

The scary truth is that if you are listening to the sermon or singing the worship songs or praying the prayers, you may not know that you are being told a limited Gospel. You are forming an image and understanding of God that you don’t even know is not full.

If all you are told is that the Good News is good to those who look a certain way or have a certain way of being in the world, then it is only good news if you are like those people.

The theme that I am noticing is that those in pain, those in bondage, are not represented in the Good News. They are not given space within church. Yet stories of people in the Bible, such as Hagar, are present and convey who God is. Hagar is a woman written about in the Old Testament who is often talked about as the person who willingly sleeps with Abraham to give him the child his wife can’t give him. But the reality is that she was owned by Abraham and forced to sleep with him. She had no choice and no agency and she runs away. Yet God finds her. This tells us that God is there with those who are abused, violated and used by those with power. God says that he sees her.

I personally find Christmas really hard - lots of memories and circumstances that mean I am often filled with dread rather than joy. Numerous times, I have tried to create a service at church for those who may feel the same. I want them to know the truth of the Gospel, that Jesus came for those in pain and that ‘Emmanuel, God with us’ includes those living in the darkest night of their soul. Whenever I have proposed it, I have been confronted by people who could not recognise the need for that understanding of the Gospel. To them, Christmas equals joy and happiness, not despair and pain. So it was not added to the service list nor the Christmas flyer. This decision communicates that there is a way to behave at Christmas, there is an expectation of what the Gospel in real life means and what it requires of those who consider themselves to be Christians - Put that smile on your face because your pain is not welcome here.

I am not ok with that message being told - whether directly or indirectly, whether noticed or unnoticed. The reason why I struggle with it at my very core is because we are limiting God to what we want him to be. We want to make God fit with the message we want to tell about what being a Christian in our church community looks like. And that is the same as Christian slave owners limiting the Gospel so that their experience of life is able to stay the same.

Jesus himself, the walking-round-human-version of God, did not limit himself to be with the people of power but he was found with those in pain and those who were stuck and lost. This Gospel does not ignore pain nor injustice but walks right up to it, talks to it and shakes the foundations on which it is built.

If you are a part of church ministry, I would encourage you to look at the sermon series you have chosen in the last year, the emphasis of your content at prayer gatherings and group meetings. I don’t know if you know the potential damage you are creating in the choices that you make. There exists an indirectly spoken narrative that can begin to form that communicates that the Gospel is only relevant to some people who are living a certain way. If you do not know about another lifestyle or circumstance that is different to your own, talk to people and be curious about what Good News looks like to them. Not having lived it is not a good enough excuse. The Gospel is big enough to hold everyone and it is when our restrictions and our limitations are present that we reduce it. Perhaps the part of the Gospel that includes the stranger, your complete opposite, is the part that will bring you liberation or even liberation to all.

Take a closer look.

For us that listen and watch the Gospel being taught or shared - be aware, be curious about what you are hearing. God gave you a brain and God speaks to you. It is good for you to question and analyse what is being said on a Sunday or on social media. It isn’t sinful and it isn’t you losing your faith, it is God being revealed to you.

The Good News should be, and is, Good News for everyone.